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A relaxing weekend
I am grateful for a relaxing weekend.
After leading services this Friday, I made no plans for dinner but came home and went pretty much directly to bed. I never want to agree to lead the services, because the ends of my Fridays at work tend to feel like tar baby from brer rabbit, and so I fear adding a time based commitment and one more thing to do. It adds a lot of stress, which is like the opposite point of kabbalat Shabbat. But on those occasions when I fail to sign up a lay leader and the most tractable solution is just do it myself, as was the case with this past week, on those occasions I know I need to make a point to disengage from work on my schedule rather than its schedule, and get my mental/emotional attitude in line in advance... on those occasions I always do come out the other end feeling very good.
If I'm not leading, I think I rely on the services themselves to get me in a "Shabbat mood", but more often than not these days, the experience at EC doesn't do it for me. If I'm leading, I know I need to be in that spiritual place from beforehand, and if I've done that, then the passage of the service does actually solidify that in.
Expecting a small turnout due to school vacation week, I decided to please myself by running the service out of the "purple books", an edition of the prayer book which I prefer, but that we don't regularly use. The synagogue has only about a dozen copies of the "purple book", which I was sure would be enough. But I was quite wrong! Folks kept coming, and coming, including several we haven't seen in a while, which was a treat. Luckily, many of the arrivals were late arrivals, so by the time it became clear that we would outstrip the purple book supply, we were already committed. If more folks had been there at the very start, I would have perforce stuck with the usual boon for their sake.
The one particular congregant who I anticipated might be resistant got there surprisingly late (usually an early arrival, as in helping-set-up early), which made it easier to manage the situation. We had just recently run out of purple books by that time, so they could take their preferred edition without it being an explicit rejection of the leader's choice. I then invited the congregant to tell me the page numbers in that book. I did this in the hope of giving them an alternative outlet for any grumbles, suspecting that they probably might have interjected page numbers or something anyway as a way of dissenting from the change. By requesting their speech in advance, I reframed it as assistance. This trick worked surprisingly well. Each time the congregant called out a page number as "in our book", I thanked them and repeated it as "in the hardcover book". Eventually, they modulated the expression they were using, which felt like a small victory. And I hope that they felt more comfortable because they could feel that the "usual way" was getting sufficient respectful acknowledgement.
Also I really did want this page-number assistance, because a person I didn't recognize had arrived just before and had had to take the other edition. Because I didn't recognize that person, I wasn't sure how familiar they are with the prayers (or that edition of the prayer book). Especially as a new person, I didn't want them to feel lost, being one of the first people using a different book than everyone near them. but I really did not have page numbers handy for the usual book.
Aside from that one change averse person, I heard several positive responses to my choice of book. That was gratifying to be reminded that I'm not the only one who enjoys it, although I'd honestly chosen it for my own sake. One fairly new person asked about where to get his own copy for home, and one longer term member suggested that the congregation should buy more to have a larger stock of them for use. I agree. A dozen more would leave us sufficiently supplied to be a realistic choice on an average Friday. ... I think I can make this happen (with a little help, which I think I know where to find).
Right, the rest of the weekend:
Bed early & slept. Did this both nights, although not tonight. Typing takes surprisingly large amount of time, guys!
Lay about the house, most of one day, feeling sluggish.
Caught my first episode of The Great British Baking Show. The hosts came across strangely, but the contestants were so nice and kinda supportive of each other. It was sweet.
Bike ride with Jonathon, to do errands, including buy a speaker for playing music in the bathroom -- luxury!
At long last pruned the apple tree to something reasonable. It became much easier once I started speaking to the tree on each snip. "Please focus on growing fruit," I explained, "not branches."
Baked tofu enchiladas for the week to come, and prepped a batch of long-imagined wonton-wrapper perogi. I invented the filing, and I'm happy with the result (potato, leeks, mushrooms, finely chopped broccoli, garlic, garden scallions, and a touch of sesame oil, no salt).
Began rereading Connie Willis "To say nothing off the dog", which I had bought myself last week.
After leading services this Friday, I made no plans for dinner but came home and went pretty much directly to bed. I never want to agree to lead the services, because the ends of my Fridays at work tend to feel like tar baby from brer rabbit, and so I fear adding a time based commitment and one more thing to do. It adds a lot of stress, which is like the opposite point of kabbalat Shabbat. But on those occasions when I fail to sign up a lay leader and the most tractable solution is just do it myself, as was the case with this past week, on those occasions I know I need to make a point to disengage from work on my schedule rather than its schedule, and get my mental/emotional attitude in line in advance... on those occasions I always do come out the other end feeling very good.
If I'm not leading, I think I rely on the services themselves to get me in a "Shabbat mood", but more often than not these days, the experience at EC doesn't do it for me. If I'm leading, I know I need to be in that spiritual place from beforehand, and if I've done that, then the passage of the service does actually solidify that in.
Expecting a small turnout due to school vacation week, I decided to please myself by running the service out of the "purple books", an edition of the prayer book which I prefer, but that we don't regularly use. The synagogue has only about a dozen copies of the "purple book", which I was sure would be enough. But I was quite wrong! Folks kept coming, and coming, including several we haven't seen in a while, which was a treat. Luckily, many of the arrivals were late arrivals, so by the time it became clear that we would outstrip the purple book supply, we were already committed. If more folks had been there at the very start, I would have perforce stuck with the usual boon for their sake.
The one particular congregant who I anticipated might be resistant got there surprisingly late (usually an early arrival, as in helping-set-up early), which made it easier to manage the situation. We had just recently run out of purple books by that time, so they could take their preferred edition without it being an explicit rejection of the leader's choice. I then invited the congregant to tell me the page numbers in that book. I did this in the hope of giving them an alternative outlet for any grumbles, suspecting that they probably might have interjected page numbers or something anyway as a way of dissenting from the change. By requesting their speech in advance, I reframed it as assistance. This trick worked surprisingly well. Each time the congregant called out a page number as "in our book", I thanked them and repeated it as "in the hardcover book". Eventually, they modulated the expression they were using, which felt like a small victory. And I hope that they felt more comfortable because they could feel that the "usual way" was getting sufficient respectful acknowledgement.
Also I really did want this page-number assistance, because a person I didn't recognize had arrived just before and had had to take the other edition. Because I didn't recognize that person, I wasn't sure how familiar they are with the prayers (or that edition of the prayer book). Especially as a new person, I didn't want them to feel lost, being one of the first people using a different book than everyone near them. but I really did not have page numbers handy for the usual book.
Aside from that one change averse person, I heard several positive responses to my choice of book. That was gratifying to be reminded that I'm not the only one who enjoys it, although I'd honestly chosen it for my own sake. One fairly new person asked about where to get his own copy for home, and one longer term member suggested that the congregation should buy more to have a larger stock of them for use. I agree. A dozen more would leave us sufficiently supplied to be a realistic choice on an average Friday. ... I think I can make this happen (with a little help, which I think I know where to find).
Right, the rest of the weekend:
Bed early & slept. Did this both nights, although not tonight. Typing takes surprisingly large amount of time, guys!
Lay about the house, most of one day, feeling sluggish.
Caught my first episode of The Great British Baking Show. The hosts came across strangely, but the contestants were so nice and kinda supportive of each other. It was sweet.
Bike ride with Jonathon, to do errands, including buy a speaker for playing music in the bathroom -- luxury!
At long last pruned the apple tree to something reasonable. It became much easier once I started speaking to the tree on each snip. "Please focus on growing fruit," I explained, "not branches."
Baked tofu enchiladas for the week to come, and prepped a batch of long-imagined wonton-wrapper perogi. I invented the filing, and I'm happy with the result (potato, leeks, mushrooms, finely chopped broccoli, garlic, garden scallions, and a touch of sesame oil, no salt).
Began rereading Connie Willis "To say nothing off the dog", which I had bought myself last week.
no subject
Your service sounds marvelous. And it sounds like you handled it with your usual aplomb and grace. And I'm glad you got the spiritual kindness out of it you wanted as well. I love those kinds of winning combinations!
Sending loads of hugs.
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I have a lot of sympathy for your feelings around leading services. I'm actually stepping down from my role as a worship leader at the end of my term in September. One of the reasons is that I find myself not getting the worship my spirit craves because I'm too distracted by the logistics. It's less true when I'm not leading myself, but even then it's hard not to take a backstage perspective on the whole thing, and I'm hoping that some time off will help me to regain a more worshipful perspective.
(I actually have a whole post about this decision that I would like to write up, as I've finally managed to articulate the main reason in a way that feels more truthful than I've previously been able to achieve, so you may see more on this subject shortly.)
Several of my friends have recommended The Great British Baking Show. I wish I spent more time watching tv (which seems like an odd thing to say, but it's true) such that I could add this to the queue, but we're barely managing to keep up with the two or three shows we really want to watch. We just burned through Grantchester over the past week or so--that was an enormous treat.
Bathroom music speakers rock. I wish that listening to NPR worked, but somehow the buffering creates pauses that aren't a problem with music but completely destroy the rhythm of speech.
And last--I should re-read TSNotD. One of the costs of switching to the Kindle for me is that I almost never re-read anything anymore, a big change in my habits.
Glad you had such a lovely weekend!
no subject